I’m Still Alive

February started off with a bang for me, I traveled to Huntington Beach, CA with a friend for the Surf City Half Marathon, had a wonderful weekend and a great race. The week following that was spent catching up at work for the most part. Mid-week, I received some upsetting news, and my whole week and my plans completely changed. The following day I hopped a plan back East to deal with some personal issues (sorry, but I am not ready to discuss it all). Although hectic, stressful, insanely emotional and sad… I will forever cherish that weekend. After being gone 4 days, I returned Sunday evening, to return to work Monday and never stopped to catch my breath.

I was right back at work that morning, and did my scheduled interview with Fox 5 Las Vegas on the Dirty Girl Mud Run being held 2/23/13 and worked all week. I managed to get a run in, and it wasn’t pretty, my mind was distracted, my body was exhausted… it wasn’t good. I went to spin class Wednesday to keep me going, and although it was a great workout, it was harder than normal for me. I was still distracted at work and struggling to stay focus and deal with my emotions I was trying to stuff down inside. My husband and I barely celebrated Valentine’s Day (babe, I still owe you one for this) with an exchange of cards, a great gift from him of a flower garden and Chinese take-out.

I had plans to meet friends for yoga Saturday and shop for our Dirty Girl costumes. I kept that date and was grateful for that hour of yoga when I could leave everything else outside that room. I enjoyed lunch with my friends and we found some great outfits (you will have to wait until Saturday/Sunday to see pics).

Friday and Saturday, I finally started to talk about everything… not in depth, but, for me, to admit that it’s happening, I am sad, and hate feeling helpless was big for me. I made the decision to hibernate for the weekend. To just let my mind and body dictate the activity. Here is what I wanted to do: Clean my house, do my laundry, prep meals, walk the dogs each day, long run on Sunday, spin class Monday evening (yay for the holiday), clean some more, interact on SM, interact with the world.

Here is what I did: relaxed the rest of Saturday. Sunday: sat on the couch with my dogs, my hubby and a marathon of Firefly on the Science Channel ALL DAY and then watched Serenity to cap it off. ALL DAY. Monday: got hubby and dogs out for a 4 mile walk, grocery shopped, did laundry. I didn’t clean, honestly, every time I thought about it, got up to start, I just sat back down. I got laundry done, simply because I needed clothes for work today.

Here is what else I did: I listened to my heart, mind and body and just sat still. I dealt with a difficult situation, I cried, I napped, I healed just a little. I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty that my floors weren’t vacuumed, dishes weren’t done, things weren’t dusted. I had my phone off most of Monday, so didn’t interact and didn’t care.

I am still struggling with this issue, but, I know that my decision to just sit still, to not feel obligated, to not force a run, a walk, etc. was by far the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time.

So, my apologies for being quiet this past week, but as you all know, sometimes, it is what is needed. So, today is a new day, and I am alive and I am back!! Thanks for all of your love and support!!