Why I Broke Up With My Scale

Let’s face it… we are all aware that everywhere we turn there are messages about weight, fitness, being the perfect size. Magazines, TV, billboards (especially here in Las Vegas) promoting the latest and greatest way to get that perfect body. Those, along with the “fitspiration” messages (that’s another blog post altogether) are constantly in your face. This pressure to look perfect can be overwhelming and all-consuming. It can also be unhealthy.

Another fact we all need to face….not all of us will look like the model. It is perfectly okay. It is genetics and life. Everyone on this earth has a different body style, fitness level, fitness desire, and genetics; a different set of knowledge and views on what constitutes healthy. For that matter, different goals.

I am a runner. I sometimes don’t run. I am a person who doesn’t do yoga as much as she’d like. I lift weights with the guidance of a trainer. A majority of the time I eat healthy. I like beer and wine and vodka. I like cookies, chewy sprees are my weakness. According to every single BMI and weight classification chart, based on the last time I stepped on a scale, I am overweight.

I am not perfect, nor is my body. But that number on the scale, it ate away at me. I would obsess over it, step on the scale every morning to see if there was a change. I would cut out things I enjoyed eating (and eventually fail), I would increase my physical activity until I was exhausted. I got blood tests done to make sure everything was in order. But still, that number was stubborn… would go so far, then stop, then go up. I would get frustrated, angry, sad… I couldn’t get to where I thought I should be, to where the charts said I should be. I had long conversations with my trainer discussing options, nutrition, fitness, you name it. I did some soul searching.

Here is what I learned about myself during that time. I enjoy being active. I love to run and do yoga and ride my bike and lift weights. Every single time I hit a fitness goal, I felt amazing and strong… until I stepped on the scale. I also enjoy food. I enjoy the experience of eating itself… preparing it, smelling it, the appearance and the taste. Not just quickly eating food to not feel hungry, but the experience, the use of those senses to experience it. I often look at pics of “healthy” fuel, powdered food or pureed concoctions, etc. and think, none of that looks appetizing. What happened to real food… seasoning fish, preparing vegetables…  a giant salad of fresh greens and vegetables. Truly enjoying what you are eating.

Therein was my dilemma… give up the foods I enjoy like sweets, alcohol, breads; make them healthy; or find a balance to enjoy them, be physically active, and be happy. I chose finding the balance.

My first step… was to take the scale and pack it away. I didn’t even step on it to get a “starting weight” for this endeavor. I just walked into my bathroom, picked it up, and walked into my closet and buried it under stuff on the top shelf. That day I suddenly felt liberated. That square piece of equipment was done ruling my life and emotions. My next step was to create a shopping list of foods and meals for the week. To make sure I didn’t eliminate things, but there was a 90/10 ratio of healthy to unhealthy. Then, I talked to my trainer. I told him of my crazy plan, and we worked out some workouts. I often rave about my trainer, but to his credit… he really let me go with this one. I am pretty sure he was skeptical or concerned, but, he trusted in me, and respected my decisions. I then reviewed my goals. After removing a goal weight, I noticed all of my goals were health related, not size or looks related. I wanted to be stronger, I wanted to be healthy, I wanted more energy. None of my goals focused on what my body looked like, they were just about a healthy body. I realized then that was my true goal, to be healthy. My trainer and I stopped doing weigh-ins and measurements, we focused on fitness. He gave me workouts, I did them. He gave me monthly fitness tests, my numbers improved. I ran when the urge hit me. I ate well. I also had treats and alcohol. I just lived. I was no longer defined by a number.

Yesterday I bought myself a pair of new boots. My one friend wanted to see them when I wore them… so of course, I wore the new boots the next day. I took a pic and sent it to her. Her response, WOW you look great! I really looked at the pic and thought, hmm, I do look good. I sent the pic to my trainer. He was amazed at the difference. Then I really looked at the picture. I do look more toned. I still have no clue what I weigh, but I know what size I wear and how my clothes fit. I know that my fitness levels are continuously improving and that my emotional health is even better because I am enjoying life and have truly accepted my body, my perfectly imperfect body. I don’t have six pack abs, and I don’t want them, that isn’t one of MY goals, I still have cellulite, and so what. I feel great mentally and physically. I love how I feel, I am proud of the work I am doing, and I think my perfectly imperfect body is strong and looks great. But even better than that, it FEELS great. I have energy, I have curves, and a few extra pounds…. and that is okay. I know that if I push my body physically, it will give me more than I ask of it. It will climb that hill, run those miles, hold that pose and lift those weights. It will give when my mind doesn’t want to. That is my true accomplishment, a healthy and fit body.

As of today, I will work to never again let someone make me feel bad that my goals aren’t their goals, that my body isn’t perfect by media standards or for eating that piece of cake or extra piece of candy, for having that second (or third) drink. I embrace my mind, my body, my goals and my life. My wish for you… find what works for you, and embrace it. Set goals that matter to you, that fit with what you want and enjoy in life. Live your goals EVERY SINGLE DAY and they will just become your life.

….thank you for reading, live well my friends…