I Must Confess….

I have seriously been bitten by the lazy bug and I think it stole my motivation while biting me. Seriously. I would love to blame it on a million different things, but truth is, other people do all this and then some. Has my life been hectic? You could say that:

  • I am closing on our house Monday or Tuesday. I am VERY excited for this purchase, but, it was a short sale purchase with an FHA loan which means infinite paperwork. This also leads to lots of packing, planning, organizing, and living out of boxes.
  • Work is busy, YAY!
  • I have traveled A LOT since the end of June: 10 days in PA, 6 in DC, 4 in SanFran and 3 in NJ. 
  • I accepted a role as Race Chair for the Komen Southern NV Race for the Cure. I am super excited about this commitment, even though it involves a lot of work and time. The experience is invaluable and I love the group at this office and on the committee.
  • I am still taking classes, they are a great benefit for work, but, also more time.
  • I’m having eye issues. Not to go into a lot of detail, but I am spending a lot of time at the doctor’s office or with my eyes hurting. No bueno.

So, with all of that, I really have been exhausted. I mean exhausted. I came home the other day after 2 hours at the eye doctor’s, I fell asleep on the couch, then, woke up at 9:30 to go to bed, and slept until morning. When I am up, I am packing or planning something with this move. How the heck did we end up with SO MUCH STUFF?!?!

The above, explains the lazy as far as working out goes… but the bigger concern, the motivation. Seriously, I can’t muster it. I went to the gym Monday to meet a friend, we rode the bikes for an hour, I felt great and reassured that I could in fact do this. Haven’t done anything since then, no running, no yoga, nothing. I know I should do something, but, can’t get myself to do it. I am not even in the mood to entertain the battle in my head to convince me to get out there.

I have come to some realizations lately:

  • I want and need to lose 20 lbs. I would like to be down at 155-160, and, with the lazy and crazy, have put on a few pounds. 
  • I have created, ignored and re-created a schedule. I keep putting on there early morning workouts. I need to stop that. I love myself, I do… but I am realistic, and my butt ain’t getting out of bed any earlier. It just isn’t. I have planned this so many different times and ways, and it doesn’t happen. I need to just admit this and move on to a successful plan.
  • I have lost sight of MY goals. I know what other’s see in me and see for me, I tend to get caught up in all of that and lose sight of MY goals. 
  • I am not a fan of weight training. I start it, then since it isn’t interesting to me, I can easily dismiss it. 

For instance, I love running, I enjoy it. But, feeling like I have to do a run for a certain distance, not so much. I know I am a strong runner. Could I be faster, sure. Will it upset me if I am not, no. There, I finally said it. I love running, but do not care about being faster, winning awards, or any of that. Does it feel great to beat a previous time, well, yes. Who wouldn’t feel great?? Would more bling be great, yes. But, knowing that I can run, and knowing that I am able to finish half marathons, is enough for me. I am happy to get out there and run a half marathon, period. I don’t need to be amazingly fast or win awards. Starting and finishing is my award, that runner’s high from accomplishing something great (in my eyes) makes me happy for days. Feeling like I have to train or work on this, or do this… it seems to be killing off my motivation to just run. To just put on the sneaks, grab a bottle of water, and hit the road. I need to find my goals and motivation and enjoyment in running again.

Next problem,  how to build muscle and strength…. with minimal lifting of weights. I have read articles recently on power yoga for this… but, I definitely need fun options. I am also going to add in more cross training, the bike, try some swimming, even going to participate in a rowing event.

Next, getting back on track with eating. Since we are being honest… I love food, love food. Love the taste, smell, preparation. I did so great for so long, and lately, because of all of the above and the lazy exhausted feeling, have put little to no effort into really watching what I eat. I am not gorging on crap, but not as diligent as I once was.  I do still spend 95% of my food budget on produce and fresh meats.

Did I do this eat healthy, lose weight thing before and the exercise, yes. But, that’s the past, yes I did it… but holding on to the but I did it before mentality isn’t getting me where I need to be now. My body has changed, my fitness level is different, my life overall is different, and my health is different. I can’t look back and say well, do that again. I need to realize this is a new plan, a new start at making this happen for life.

I guess it all in some ways seems like I have to start over, and that is frustrating in itself, and in some ways, I am pouting like a kid thinking “it’s not fair” but no one wants to hear that, including me. I just need to get myself on track. But, I needed to be honest with all of you.

So, to some, it may seem like avoidance or whatever, I should just go all in now. Make the time, trust me I have seen and posted every motivational poster out there, I get it… there is no benefit in waiting. Well, maybe not to my fitness level. But, I have decided for my sanity, I am going to maintain, not lessen what I do, but not actively schedule workouts, until 9/1. Our lease ends the 31st, we close next week, and then moving and painting and unpacking and cleaning. Oh, and classes start August 27th. Why try to overwhelm myself, I do that too often anyway. So, as of September 1, the schedule starts. I will know my school classwork requirements, work schedules for fall sessions will be set, the move will be 99% done, I will be able to realistically look at my world and figure out the plan. I heard a concept at a training this week of making a 90 day contract with yourself. My friend J and I are going to do this to get ourselves refocused. I am working on my contract in the next couple of weeks. I will share that with all of you.

Thanks for listening and not judging…. I appreciate it. If you have any fun workouts that are not Zumba (sorry Zumba lovers, it just isn’t my thing), or basic weights…. send the ideas my way, I’ll consider them!